Music of my Heart
by Jazmyne aka t4jc
Summary: Hold Me Twice" by FM Static. Quogan fanfict. Please R&R Not my first fict ever but my first Zoey101 fict and my first time posting on this site. This is NOT a one shot but a songfiction series. Original name is: Hold ME Twice
1. Chapter 1

_I saw you in the hallway,__  
__I bet that's what they all say,__  
__You probably didn't even notice._

I gazed at him, directly into his beautiful brown eyes as he passed me in the crowded PCA hallway.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I wish he'd turn around, grab me by my waist, and kiss me as feverishly as I wanted him at this very second.

I mean, he did kiss me once before, what's one more kiss going to hurt? What's three more kisses going to hurt?

_'Who am I kidding!? I want to spend the night in his arms, feeling his lips on mine as I feel the butterflies turn my stomach in different directions without a moment's haste. _**_I want him._**_'_

I looked back down at my gruesome excuse for a lunch and repeatedly stabbed at it with my fork.

"I think that cow has been mutilated enough."

I looked up to see Zoey Brooks staring at me with an amused smile.

"Well, you never know."

I feigned a smile and Zoey's eyes grew stern.

"Quinn, if you're still upset about Mark and Brooke I could always get James and Michael to beat him up for you."

I laughed at her comment. True, I _was_ upset about Mark dumping me for some tank top trollop, but my aggravation didn't derive from that. This was all because of _him._ The one boy who, up until now never paid me any mind.

_His _name was Logan Reese.

"Nah, I'll get over it in a few days. I promise."

I lied, I was already over him, Mark was nothing more than a happy memory. Logan was what I wanted.

_I was the loser,__  
__Who was staring at my shoes and__  
__Couldn't think of nothing to say._

I held it in my hand. This tiny little piece of notebook paper is going to make or break whatever this thing is that's going on between Quinn and I.

I can't even help lifting my eyes from the ground for just one moment.

_'She's eating her lunch'_

Eyes back to the ground, bag even more over my shoulder, and I continue my lonely walk to class.

_'She's so beautiful.'_

I can't help the thoughts that pour into my mind while Mr. Fisher babbles on about some sort of Roman nonsense.

I take the note and clutch it firmly within my grasp.

_'3…2…1…'_

Ring!

I bolted out of there so fast I think my hair may have actually moved.

I darted over to Quinn's locker, kissed the tiny piece of paper and slipped it through the cracks.

I mentally crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. I hoped that she'd be with me.

_I'm on the runway,__  
__Of a flight that's going one way,__  
__On "cross your finger" airlines.__  
__I'm picking up pace__  
__I'm getting nervous in the worst way, here goes nothing_

I carelessly entered the combination to my locker, I was trying to get my chemistry book and make it to class, when something caught my eye.

_Quinn 1/18/08 _

One week ago today.

I laughed at his childish antics as I opened the letter in order to peruse its contents.

_I would love nothing more than to spend some time with you on the commons. I haven't been able to stop thinking about that kiss, and this is all in hopes that you feel the same way. Let me caress you one more time, just to see if all of this anticipation is all for nothing._

I nearly lost it; I almost dropped the letter in my burst of excitement.

He was going to see me tonight.

My stomach fluttered at the thought.

I made sure to find him immediately.

I needed to see him, to confirm my suspicions and to tell him all at once how I felt about his letter and about that moment we shared that afternoon.

I checked my watch.

_'4:30'_

He'll be with Michael and James right now playing basketball or something.

I took off.

Never mind that I'll miss chemistry for the first time since I started here at PCA. Never mind that my perfect attendance isn't going to be there any longer. None of that matters to me right now.

Right now, I want to hold him. Right now I need him. Right now I'm running as fast as I possibly can to the basketball courts.

"Logan!"

I called out to him as timidly as possible.

He dropped the ball as he was about to make a pass at Michael. He raised his left eyebrow and shot me a cocky grin.

"What do you want Pensky?"

I was dying to hold him, to be near him, to lunge into his arms and kiss him.

I remembered my chemistry book.

"Erm, remember? We were supposed to study Chem together? Well, my class was cancelled and I made plans later with Lola and Zoey so can we do it now?"

"But we didn't-"

"I figured you had forgotten, that's why I left you a NOTE in your LOCKER, you probably haven't opened it yet."

He caught on faster than I would've expected.

"Oh, right, I forgot and no I haven't."

He tossed the ball to James.

"We'll finish this game later, guys."

We darted on over to the girl's dorm and I told him to wait for me on the couch while I went to grab my laptop.

As I approached the lounge once again I stared breathlessly at him. His curls were beautiful, his eyes were gorgeous, his arms were muscular… As always… But there was so much more this time.

He wanted to be with me. Really be with me.

Quinn Pensky, you're the luckiest girl alive right now.

He glanced back up at me and smiled, but this time it wasn't his usual cocky smirk, it was the same smile he had given me right before he kissed me. Genuine, beautiful… and completely for me.

_I saw her walking over,__  
__She's slowly moving closer,__  
__Wrote her a letter about a week ago and, to my surprise__  
__She replied and said:_

I got up and walked towards her, I swept her into my arms and stared into her eyes for as long as I could before worrying that someone may notice.

"Chemistry?"

"We have more than you'll ever find in this stupid book."

She motioned nonchalantly over to her textbook.

"So you'll meet me?"

"I'll see you wherever, whenever, as long as I can be with you."

I held her to me for a moment and I took her over to the janitor's closet in the girl's dorm so that no one would find us.

"Hold me again."

She whispered it so softly that I almost didn't hear her.

Even in the dark I could tell how breathtaking she was. So small, timid, intelligent, the way her eyes lit up the tiny room when she smiled. I complied to her wish happily as I swooped her into my arms yet again.

This time, I wasn't going to hold back. This time, I did what I've been waiting to do for days.

I kissed her.

_You can hold me once, You can hold me twice,__  
__Even better if the stars are good tonight.__  
__You can hold me, be my one and only,__  
__This is the reply to the letter you wrote me._

"Be my girlfriend?"

I asked as I pulled my lips from hers in disarray.

She kissed me again, and I felt myself begin to get lost in her mouthwatering taste.

But I pulled apart once more.

"I'll take that as a yes."

I laughed for a second.

"Good."

She kissed me again.

"Because you definitely should."

Now, as the weeks passed by, Quinn and I grew closer and closer together. Our regular "Chemistry study" meetings became more frequent as time went on.

This time though, this time was different.

She was pulling away from me, and I had no idea why.

We met in our closet once more and I kissed her, as is per usual at 6pm every night.

But this time, she stopped me.

"Logan, before I get caught up again, there's something that I need to tell you."

I wanted to kiss her so bad it hurt.

"Right now babe?"

She gave in, I knew she would.

"Tomorrow, after my gym class, meet me on our bench. Please."

I nodded quickly and leaned in to kiss her again.

The next day, nothing went as planned.

_You told me to meet you after gym class,__  
__But I forgot to get a hall pass,__  
__And got sent to the office._

I spent the rest of the day staring at the ceiling in my guidance counselor's office.

_'I need to call Quinn'_

I reached into my pocket to pull out my cell phone.

Only to discover I left it in my dorm.

_'Now what!?'_

I sighed in frustration and buried my head in my hands.

_You tried to call me,__  
__Asked everyone around who saw me,__  
__They didn't even notice._

I flipped my phone shut after trying his cell for the 4th time that day.

I went to the basketball courts, James and Michael hadn't seen him since 3rd period. He was supposed to meet me then.

I approached Zoey and Lola and both informed that neither cared nor knew where Logan might be.

I even resorted to Dustin.

Nothing.

It didn't take me too long of course, to realize that Mr. Koolungara had called him into his office because _someone _forgot their hall pass.

He met up with me at 10 in the lounge instead of at 6 and explained the whole ordeal.

"…So yeah, and now I'm here."

"I just wish you could've gotten here sooner."

We were sitting on the couch and I stared at my feet not really knowing what to say.

"Babe what's the matter."

He brushed my cheek with his hand and looked directly into my eyes. I looked down again and sighed.

"I'm leaving."

I didn't hold back the tears that threatened to spill over because this was it. After 4 months of sneaking around, and finally deciding who our dates to junior prom were going to be, I had to tell him the truth.

"What?"

His normally sparkling eyes were gleaming with sadness and anger. I lunged into his arms and cried. I wasn't too sure why but I was, I knew this would be the end of something beautiful. This would be the end of something wonderful.

"I don't want to, it's my stupid parents!"

I stood up and paced about the room.

"We're leaving for Virginia in July and heading out to look for a new house. I tried to tell you sooner but…"

I felt a force expel itself onto my lips and force me onto the couch.

We stayed up the rest of the night hoping to find a way to resolve this issue.

It was 6:30am last I checked the time before finally falling asleep.

_You're on your way now,__  
__Moving with your parents to some hick town,__  
__two thousand miles away._

The big day had finally arrived and I showed up at Quinn's house to see her off with an all too painful goodbye.

We agreed to break up but still remain great friends. But I was going to miss her, more than I've ever missed any one person in my life.

She was so beautiful, so much fun, but more importantly… She was mine.

I knew I wasn't losing her forever, but it felt like it.

I walked over to the bench. _Our _bench. A new semester at PCA had begun and I was living in the past. I walked over to the playground and sat on top of the monkey bars in order to get a good view of the campus.

I let everything hit me all at once. She was gone, she's not coming back, and that realization made me cry more than I ever thought I would.

_I'm in the playground,__  
__And there's so much I could say now,__  
__I still remember when..._

I made "my" bed, in "my" new house, and then started unpacking everything.

Then I found the letter. _His _letter, the one that started it all, after the kiss that sparked the flame within us and I smiled at the memory.

He was amazing. He's still amazing. And being without him hurts so much. I lied down in bed and I held the letter in my hand as I drifted to sleep.

_I saw her walking over,__  
__She's slowly moving closer,__  
__Wrote her a letter about a week ago and, to my surprise__  
__She replied and said:___

_You can hold me once, You can hold me twice,__  
__Even better if the stars are good tonight.__  
__You can hold me, be my one and only,__  
__This is the reply to the letter you wrote me._

I dreamt about that moment every night. She was everything to me, she was my first real love.

Michael, Chase, Lisa, Lola, Zoey, even Vince have all been so supportive of Quinn and I, and this last year has been so hard on me I don't know how much longer I can stand to be away from her.

Her laugh, her eyes, everything, I miss everything about her.

I wish I could hold her, tell her I love her and kiss her gently. Just like I had the night of the dance.

_It's been awhile since we said "hi",__  
__Three hundred and sixty five days have gone by now,__  
__And I could paint of picture of you.__  
__I see you every time I pass your locker,__  
__Remember the time we talked 'til six a.m.__  
__And I'm tired of missing you_

_  
_**_Six a.m. and I'm tired of missing you_**

I took the picture of Logan and I and kissed it goodnight.

_'6:30'_

Last thing I saw before I finally went to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

"_Although you're so many miles away from me, I just want you to know, I can never forget you."_

I shot out of my bed and suddenly felt how cold it was in my room.

My shirt was off and I was covered in sweat. I don't know what shook me so much that I woke up like this.

But I'm in a cold sweat and all I hear now is my clock radio playing the absolute last song I want to hear right now.

_Sitting here in my room alone,_

_Got the radio on,_

_And it's playing our song._

I grabbed her picture off my mantle top and stared at it as long as I could without blinking.

I memorized it.

Her eyes, her hair, and her funny looking pigtails that I wish she'd wear more often.

I memorized _her. _

I miss her…

I promised her that I wouldn't fly up to see her no matter how bad I wish I could. I couldn't bear it anyway…

She's found someone else and I'm afraid that if I see them together, I'll either snap or break down and cry…

Much like I wanted to do at this very moment.

She's everything to me, and I can't believe I didn't let myself realize that the moment she made me walk around campus in that stupid orange dress of hers.

I can't believe I didn't realize that when I _let _her put that stupid orange dress on me.

_Got your picture beside my bed_

_And as I hold it close I keep hearing you say that I love you_

_And wherever I am, I'm thinking of you _

_So till you come back to me…_

I stared out the window. In my mind it was as if I could still hear his voice, like he was still telling me how much he missed me, how much he wanted to be with me.

'_Face it Quinn, you've both moved on.'_

I sighed and lied back down on my bed.

As if on cue, my phone started vibrating and I answered without even looking at the caller ID.

"Hey Aaron."

'_Don't be so giddy.'_

I don't know why I bother.

"Hey baby."

I felt my heart sort of twinge in agony. I shouldn't be with him. He's not the one I'm _supposed _to be with.

"What's up?"

Our banal conversation continued and with every word I spoke, I felt weaker and weaker. I didn't want him, I didn't want this, but after 6 months of being with a rebound, you can't exactly just stop without a good reason.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I stared at my ceiling a while longer.

"I miss you too Logan."

Not that he had actually said it to me, but it felt like he had, I felt like he was reaching out to me across the country.

I'm insane.

_I'll send my love to you straight from the heart_

_Baby I miss you, Baby I miss you…_

_I feel you so near though we're so far apart_

_Baby I miss you, Baby I miss you…_

I stared at her. She's so… Hot.

But I don't want her anymore than I want Quinn dating some schmuck in Virginia.

"Kiss me."

I complied without any effort and I felt myself wrap my arms around her tiny waist.

We were alone, in her room, and the lights were dimmed.

Isn't it obvious what I wanted to do?

This is my routine, I come over, sit with her, we watch a movie… sort of.

Then we go in her room, and at exactly 5pm, we go a bit further than we should.

And at exactly 5pm, I have an alarm that sounds like my ringtone that goes off and suddenly I have to leave in a rush.

"Ughhh, can't you ignore that for once baby?"

She pouted with her blue eyes pleading for me to continue kissing her as passionately as I was.

But I wouldn't give in.

She wasn't the one.

I kissed her one last time before walking out of her house.

I drove home thinking of nothing but the one girl who made me as _stubborn _as I was.

_Quinn Pensky._

My phone rang just as I pulled into the driveway.

"Hey Trace, look I'm sorry about earlier but I really had to-"

"Who is Trace?"

My heart jumped and I swallowed as hard as I could.

"Quinn?"

She laughed. God I missed that laugh.

"What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy…"

'_Crap!' _

"I'm ecstatic. Seriously; how have you been? It feels like it's been forever since the last time we spoke."

"I've been good, I was just calling some of my old friends and I saw your number so I thought I'd give you a try."

'_Friends…'_

"Really? Glad you thought of me. I've missed you too old friend."

I was being sarcastic of course.

But I made sure Quinn couldn't tell.

It was at that moment that I realized something that I completely didn't notice when she answered the phone.

"Quinn… Have you been crying?"

_Tears like rain falling from my eyes,_

_As we said our goodbyes I could feel my heart break_

I couldn't hold it in anymore.

I missed him and I finally let myself tell him how I felt. I hadn't moved for hours and after crying for two, I had to hear his voice.

I just _had _to.

"I've been going crazy here too, you have no idea how many times I've wanted to walk over to your house… Only to remember that you're not here."

I cried even harder.

"I want to see you Logan, I don't know how much longer I can take this distance."

"Well, don't you have someone there? I mean… Aren't you still dating that boyfriend of yours?"

I swallowed.

"Yes. I do."

"Well, then why not run into his arms? He's there… I can't do anything from here."

"Because I don't want him!"

Screaming was the only thing I could possibly think to do in a situation like this.

"Well, what can I possibly do Quinn? What do you want from me?"

"For starters you can stop being such an insensitive jerk."

"I'm not being an insensitive jerk, I just don't want to get upset over something I can't help!"

"Logan, do you have any idea what I'm going through right now?"

I heard him take a deep breath.

"Like you're not complete because it feels like half of you is across the country?"

It was now my turn to take a deep breath.

"Exactly like that."

"Quinn, I can't…"

"Me either."

I sighed, I felt like some sort of damsel waiting for her prince charming to rescue her from some sort of unfathomable conundrum.

"Ever since you left…"

"It's been like a broken clock…"

"Your face is frozen in my memory and I've tried like hell to move on…"

I wanted to hold him right then.

I wanted to kiss him, to jump into his arms to run my fingers through his hair… I wanted _**him. **_

"I never did."

_I was half not whole  
But I pray you'll come back  
Because I love you (Ooh I love you)  
And I want you to know I'm thinking of you  
Every hour of the day, baby  
_

I looked up at my ceiling as I continued talking to Quinn.

Hearing her voice again was like hearing an old favorite song on the radio for the first time in years.

She brought back so many memories…

But most of all, her voice reminded me that there's no one I'd rather spend my time with… than her.

"I love you Quinn Pensky."

Even saying her name gave me that rush of excitement I hadn't felt in a year since she left.

"I love you Logan Reese. More than you'll ever really know."

Upon hearing her say my name, I wanted to kiss her at that moment. More than anything all I wanted to do was press my lips against her. Somewhere. _Anywhere. _

I just want to kiss her.

I _need _to kiss her.

_I'll send all my love to you straight from the heart  
Baby I miss you, baby I miss you  
I feel you so near though we're so far apart  
Baby I miss you, baby I miss you  
_

"Come see me."

Upon hearing those words, my ears perked up immediately.

"Logan, you know I can't just-"

"Just for the weekend, I'll fly you over and ask my dad if you can stay in the guest house."

"Wait, you're serious?"

"I have never been more serious about anything in my life."

"Logan… I'd love to, but…"

"Don't make excuses. You know you want to see me, and I'm going crazy not being able to hold you in my arms."

"I still have to ask my parents and you still have to ask your dad… You don't even know if you can even do this.

"Quinn. Do you love me?"

I took a deep breath and smiled as I felt small tears cascade down my cheeks.

"More than I imagined."

"Then Jump with me and don't hold back this time."

"Let's do this then."

I put the phone down and raced to the kitchen.

"Mom, dad, you guys remember Logan right?"

_And if the distance keeps you from my side  
It won't change my mind  
I'll be waiting for you  
_

"Dad! Dad dad dad dad dad!"

I raced to catch up with him as he headed out to his car.

"Whoa, slow down son, what's the rush?"

_I really hate it when he calls me that._

"Do you remember Quinn?"

I was basically completely out of breath, running down two flights of stairs is not a good idea.

_Should've taken the elevator_

"What about her? And, can you hurry it up? I have a meeting in about 15 minutes."

"Can she stay in the guesthouse this weekend?"

"Not without parental consent she can't."

"If she gets it?"

"Then sure, I don't care."

"Awesome. Thanks dad."

"Alright Son, alright, I really have to go."

_Of course he does._

"Later."

I took the elevator back up this time.

"Hello?"

"Hey, I was wondering when you were going to get back on the phone."

"Sorry to leave you waiting. Did you ask your parents?"

"Of course I did."

She sounded a little disdainful.

"What'd they say?"

I felt my heart drop.

"They said I couldn't stay for the weekend."

If I was standing I'd be in big trouble. I felt my stomach tighten and all I wanted to do was punch something.

So I did.

"Ouch!"

"Logan! What'd you do? What was that noise?"

"I hit my metal bed post."

"What? Why would you do that?"

"Because you can't be here!"

"I never said that."

"You JUST said you can't stay this weekend."

"Because they said I could stay for the rest of summer vacation if I wanted. You know, so I can also spend time with my _friends. _"

Wow. I feel like such a douche bag.

"Wow, I feel like such a douche bag."

"Aw, well… You shouldn't!"

_And even though yesterday has gone  
We can dream for today  
Believe in tomorrow  
_

He made my arrangements and everything was settled, I was to leave in 3 days and stay there for the next 3 months.

I called Aaron and told him I was going out of town and I felt myself twinge with guilt as he said the last thing I wanted to hear come out of his mouth.

"Baby, I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'll miss you too Aaron."

I shoved anything and everything that I could fit into my suitcase.

"I wish I could be there right now to hold you before you have to leave."

I stopped, scanned the room for anything important I may have forgotten.

"Yeah, me too. I have to go though, my parents are calling me."

"I'll be there first thing Friday morning to see you off. Okay?"

"Mhm, I'll see you then. Bye Aaron."

I hung up quickly and let the guilt subside for now.

_I'll send my love to you straight from the heart  
Baby I miss you (baby I miss you)  
I feel you so near though we're so far apart  
Baby I miss you, baby I miss you_

Friday couldn't come fast enough. I waited for what felt like months to take off and pick up Quinn from her parents house.

Note to self: Call dad and let him know she's staying this summer.

Post Script Note to self: Avoid telling dad in person.

I triple checked the guest house in order to make sure everything was prepared for Quinn's arrival.

I planted a small gift beneath her pillow and took off.

It was 6am.

Expected Arrival Time: 12pm.

"_You know I'm so lost… Without you."_

Aaron held me close to him and I let my arms dangle around his frame for a bit.

"I'll be back in a few months."

By the looks of it, that did little to assure him.

He talked for a while more and I sort of mumbled responses now and again.

"I love you."

"Mhm, me too."

I kissed him on the lips quickly before informing him that I had to leave.

T minus 30 minutes left and counting.

I said goodbye to Aaron and took off to the airport.

_I'll send my love to you straight from the heart  
Baby I miss you (baby I miss you)  
_

Just a few more minutes. I'll finally get to see you.

_I feel you so near though we're so far apart  
Baby I miss you, baby I miss you…_

Just a few more minutes. I'll finally get to hold you.


End file.
